Identity Crisis
by Faberrittanainthetardis
Summary: From tumblr prompt: What if the reason Hanna has been going through this whole identity crisis is because she's afraid the only reason she and Emily got closer is because she reminded Emily of Alison. Hannily fic.


**From prompt: What if the reason Hanna has been going through this whole identity crisis is because she's afraid the only reason she and Emily got closer is because she reminded Emily of Alison and she's worried about Hannily feels aren't real. ((Wait what do you mean Hannily isn't canon)). **

Emily is about to go to bed when Hanna knocks on her door. Emily answers it and finds Hanna standing there, a little bit tispy but not much.

Emily stared intently at the book she was reading, trying to process the words in front of her. She couldn't focus, the words continuing to blur in front of her. She sighed softly and cast the book aside before curling onto her side. Everything had been so hectic lately with Alison's return, A upping their game and Hanna going off the rails. It was a lot to keep up with.

"Emily, Hanna's here!"

Emily sat bolt upright in surprise at the news that Hanna had actually chosen to stop by. The blonde had been all but avoiding them for days now, with the exception of when she absolutely had to talk to them about A. Emily got up quickly and hurried out of her room. She spotted Hanna standing at the bottom of the stairs and beckoned her up.

Hanna took a deep breath and headed up the stairs to Emily, her hand clutching the bannister.

"Are you drunk?" Emily asked softly, not wanting her mom to hear. Her tone was laced with accusation but it was covered by worry. She reached out and gently gripped Hanna's arm, leading her toward the bedroom.

"Maybe." Hanna answered, allowing Emily to help her inside the room. When Emily let go of her hand to close the door she walked over to the bed and perched on the edge. "I stopped drinking earlier so I think it might have worn off by now. I don't know."

Emily walked over to the bed to sit next to Hanna. "What's going on, Han? Did something happen with A?"

Hanna shook her head and shuffled back onto the bed. She moved to lean back against the headboard and Emily twisted her body to look at the blonde.

Hanna sighed softly and picked up the plush dog sitting on Emily's pillow. She smiled sadly, brushing her hand over it's fur and hugged it to her chest. "Do you remember when I bought you this?"

"When I hurt my shoulder." Emily answered without hesitation, her confused gaze settled on Hanna. She didn't know what was going on with her best friend. "You wanted to help make me feel better so you bought him for me. Along with the biggest box of chocolates I've ever seen. I remember. Of course I remember."

"And you named him Louis." Hanna said softly, her eyes fixed on the stuffed toy. She sighed softly and set it aside, looking over at Emily. "If I ask you something will you answer honestly?"

Emily nodded her head, hoping that they were finally getting somewhere.

"When you look at me what do you see?" Hanna asked quietly, forcing herself not to look away. "Do you see Alison?"

"What?" Emily shook her head vehemently, caught off guard by the question. "No! Why would you say that?"

"Mona said something to me today. She said that she made me into an Alison clone after she went missing." Hanna replied steadily. Her throat closed up with emotion and she suddenly felt like she needed another drink. Maybe she should have been drunk for the conversation she was having with Emily. "We only got closer after Alison disappeared, Em."

"You're nothing like Alison." Emily said softly, staring at Hanna in disbelief. "You're both blonde. That's the only thing you have in common. You're Hanna, that's who I see when I look at you. I see my best friend, the person who brings me stuffed animals and chocolate when I'm sick, the person who refuses to leave my side when I'm upset, the person who once promise to rip a cop's head off if he continued to harass me. The person…the person I'm in love with. That's who I see."

"You were in love with Alison." Hanna whispered, a defeated tone to her voice. "You've been acting like you're with her. Holding her hand, constantly being near her. You don't have time for anyone else."

"Is that what this is about?" Emily frowned and shook her head, trying to follow Hanna's logic. "Hanna, I haven't been ignoring you. You pulled away from me, not the other way around. I thought we were finally getting somewhere and as soon as Alison turned up again you ran."

"How am I supposed to compete with your first love?" Hanna's eyes filled with tears and she glanced to the right, angry at herself for showing such weakness. "I thought if I pushed you away before you had a chance to ditch me for her it would hurt less. It doesn't."

"I would never ditch you." Emily reached forward and gently gripped Hanna's hand. "I was confused and hurt by you pushing me away and I found comfort in Alison. I really loved her once."

Hanna laughed bitterly at the familiar words, her tears slipping down her cheeks. "I know you did, Emily. But then she disappeared and I turned into her."

"That's why you did this?" Emily nodded toward Hanna. "Changing your hair and your clothes, drinking too much? Because you wanted to be someone else?"

"I wanted to find myself." Hanna whispered, ducking her head. "I don't know who I am with her here and I don't know who I am without you. I tried to make myself into something I wasn't and now I've lost myself."

"Hanna." Emily moved to her knees in front of Hanna and gently cupped her face in her hands. She smiled softly and wiped Hanna's tears away with her thumbs. "I know exactly who you are. You're not Alison, you're Hanna. You've never been Alison."

"I don't even know what being Hanna means." Hanna whispered, meeting Emily's eyes.

Emily swallowed against the lump in her throat. She didn't know what to say to make the situation and that in itself pained her. She couldn't fight the demons in Hanna's head. That was up to Hanna. "Tell me what I can do." She whispered pleadingly, her own eyes burning with unshed tears. "I hate seeing you like this."

Hanna closed her eyes for a moment and her hand slid up to grip Emily's left wrist. "Tell me again."

Hanna's response was vague but Emily immediately knew what Hanna was referring to. "You're my best friend." She said softly, her eyes trained on Hanna's face. "You're the only person I want to be with. I love you, Hanna Marin." She hesitated for a moment before she slowly leaned in and gave Hanna a soft kiss, just barely the brush of their lips together. "I want you. You're all I need."

Hanna's free hand slid to the back of Emily's head and she crashed their lips together again, needing the closeness. Emily kissed her back without hesitation, her stomach flipping in anticipation as she pressed closer to Hanna. They had been verging on this for the past couple of months but they hadn't gotten as far as kissing yet. It had only ever been flirtatious glances and interrupted moments which could have led to something else but never had.

Hanna slowly melted into the kiss, her tongue swiping across Emily's bottom lip in a silent request for access. Emily parted her lips immediately and Hanna pressed closer, a content sigh escaping her as her tongue slid past Emily's lips.

Emily's breath caught in her throat as the kiss deepened, her stomach swimming with excitement as she held Hanna close to her. She slowly pulled back when the need for air became apparent and looked into Hanna's eyes.

"Is this okay?" Hanna whispered, tugging lightly at the hem of Emily's shirt as her eyes slid to the door.

"Yeah." Emily replied, her tone as soft as soft as Hanna's so as not to startle her into backing off. "She won't come in, we just have to be quiet."

Hanna's lips turned up in an almost smile and Emily felt her heart leap in her chest. She didn't have time to dwell on the feeling though as Hanna was pulling her shirt up and over her head, tossing it to the side. She watched as Hanna's eyes widened in surprise and she felt her cheeks heat up when she realized the reasoning behind it. Hanna's attention was fixed on her bare breasts.

"I was going to bed." She explained sheepishly, covering her chest with her arm.

"Don't. I want to see you." Hanna reached out and gently gripped Emily's wrist, tugging her arm away from her chest. She looked Emily over with a soft gaze, taking everything in. "Wow."

"Wow?" Emily questioned, not entirely sure how to take that. She wondered if Hanna saw her in the way she wanted her to or whether she was just looking at her for comparison.

"Wow." Hanna confirmed, her gaze shifting back to Emily's. She smiled softly, the pain that had reflected in her blue eyes a few moments ago gone and replaced with nothing but warmth. "You're stunning, Em."

Emily smiled bashfully and leaned in to kiss Hanna again, her hand sliding into blonde hair for a moment. "Can I…?" She trailed off hesitantly, her hands reaching down to grip Hanna's shirt. "I want to see you too."

Hanna hesitated for a moment, a stab of panic hitting her. She wasn't as athletic as Emily, she wasn't as in shape as her best friend. Meeting Emily's eyes she felt her panic slowly start to melt away. She knew that Emily wouldn't judge her. She gave a small nod and felt her heart lift when Emily beamed at her. A moment later Hanna's shirt was being tugged up and off.

"You're beautiful." Emily said softly, leaning in to kiss Hanna's chest as her hands slid behind her back to gently unlatch her bra. She carefully pulled it off and tossed it to the side before taking a long moment to look Hanna over. She didn't fail to notice the blush that spread over Hanna's chest and up her neck. She giggled softly and looked up at her. "And you're cute when you blush."

"Shut up." Hanna mumbled playfully, moving to lie down on her side. She patted the space next to her and Emily immediately moved to lie there, facing Hanna. "I'm not sure how to do this."

"We don't have to do anything you don't w…" Emily was cut off by Hanna kissing her insistently. She responded to the kiss without hesitation, her hand sliding to the back of Hanna's head to tug her closer.

Hanna pulled back by a fraction to look into Emily's eyes. "I want to touch you." She replied softly, her fingers skimming slowly down Emily's chest until she was lightly palming her breast. "Is that okay?"

Emily nodded without hesitation. "You can touch me however you want to, Hanna. Wherever you want." She kissed her again and focused on the way it felt to have Hanna's warm hands pressed against her skin. She felt herself being pushed onto her back and she moved willingly, hoping that Hanna was going to move with her. Her breath caught in her throat when Hanna moved on top of her.

"Hey." Hanna whispered, leaning in to gently kiss Emily. She gently nibbled at her best friend's lower lip, using her sudden burst of confidence to slide her hand down between them.

Emily squeaked in surprise when Hanna cupped her through her shorts.

"What?" Hanna worriedly pulled back, thinking she'd done something wrong. "Is that not right? I figured it wouldn't be much different to what I do to myself."

"It's right, you just surprised me." Emily felt her skin flush and she slowly parted her legs to allow Hanna more access to her. "You can keep going…if you want to."

Hanna didn't hesitate to lightly rub at Emily's centre through her shorts, watching Emily's features intently for any sign that she was doing something right. She watched as Emily gasped, her lips parting ever so slightly. "Does that feel good, Em?"

Emily nodded emphatically in response, feeling heat pool low in her stomach. "Yes."

Hanna licked her lips, feeling a familiar dampness touch her fingers through the thin layers of fabric separating her fingers from Emily's skin. "Are you wet, Ems?"

Emily moaned softly at the question, feeling a tingle course through her and settle in her stomach. "I am. I'm wet for you, Hanna."

Hanna smiled at the answer and decided to find out for herself. She hooked her fingers into the hem of Emily's shorts and underwear and pushed them down, slipping them off Emily's legs. She allowed her eyes to flick back toward Emily's sex and she stared for a moment before she returned her hand to it's previous position, only this time she was able to trail her fingers through heated, damp folds.

"I used to think about this." She said softly, her eyes lingering on Emily's face as she rubbed at her slowly. "I used to touch myself and think about what it would be like to touch you like this."

"Fuck, Hanna…" Emily's head thumped back against the pillow, her hips arching into Hanna's touch.

"You used to say that a lot." Hanna smirked and leaned down, kissing Emily's chest. "In my fantasies."

"Tell me." Emily pleaded softly, trying as best she could to look at Hanna. "What did you think about?"

"I used to think about coming over to your house and seducing you. I used to think about walking in on you touching yourself." Hanna listed, blushing at her own assumptions. They were silly fantasies but they had never failed to make her come harder than any other fantasies she could possibly muster up.

Emily reached down to lightly grip Hanna's hand. "Inside." She pleaded softly, meeting Hanna's eyes. She knew that if Hanna kept talking there was no way she was going to be able to hold her orgasm off. "Please."

Hanna shook Emily's hand off but willingly slid two fingers into her, groaning softly. "Fuck, you're really tight, Em. This is hotter than I imagined it would be."

Emily clenched the sheets tightly in her hands, needing something to hold onto as her hips moved against Hanna's fingers. "I got myself off to the thought of you. All of the time."

Hanna raised an eyebrow in surprise at the thought but she started to move her fingers back and forth, wanting to give Emily what she needed. "That's really hot, Em." She muttered before she leaned down and flicked her tongue over Emily's nipple.

Emily fell silent then, untangling one hand from the covers to reach down and thread her fingers into Hanna's hair instead. She closed her eyes, a breathy sigh passing her lips as she focused on Hanna's fingers scissoring in an out of her. The fact that it was Hanna doing it only made the whole thing even hotter and after a few more strong thrusts of Hanna's fingers, Emily's orgasm hit her hard.

"Hanna!" She gasped as she contracted around Hanna's fingers, her body arching off the bed slightly. Her body shook as waves of pleasure washed over her before she dropped back down onto the bed, breathless and trembling.

Hanna slowly eased her fingers out of Emily and shuffled back up to kiss her cheek. "Was that okay?"

"Okay?" Emily asked breathlessly. She locked her arms around Hanna and kissed her hard. "That was more than okay. That was amazing. You're amazing." She gently kissed Hanna's lips and smiled softly at her. "I love you, Hanna Marin. You know that, don't you?"

"I know, Em." Hanna whispered, a little bit more convinced now.

"Good." Emily replied just as softly. Without letting go of Hanna, she flipped them over and smirked playfully down at Hanna, noticing her surprised expression. "Because now it's my turn and I plan to show you exactly how much I love you."

Hanna grinned and nodded her head, silently telling Emily to go ahead.

THE END.


End file.
